flowers in the garden of your bed with your mind. I know you’re not
really in a garden. I know you sweated through your sheets yesterday
and you spilt soup on your pillow last week and you’re still too
exhausted to clean it. But today we’re going to make it a garden,
because you are beautiful, and you deserve gardens.
your eyes. They were probably already closed, but–close them. Feel
yourself from the tip of your scalp to your toes. Give those toes a
wiggle, if you can. If you can’t, imagine giving them a wiggle. Feel
them dig down into the squirmy earth and come up gloriously dirty.
Not the dirt of a month without showering, but the dirt of living in
the world. Build the loam up in your mind; it’s
good earth, and you get out of it what you put in. So make it rich,
caked with nutrients, aching for seed. Make it ready for the world
you are about to summon out of it.
for the flowers. I like sunflowers, geraniums and star lilies, but
you do you. Lift your hand, or imagine lifting your hand, and let the
seeds spill down onto the earth of your bed. I like chaos, a riot of
colour blooming around me like it were growing out of my grave, but
your garden should always, always be what you like best. You can add
a little fertilizer, a little rain. I’m sure you know deep down
inside what will make your flowers bloom.
now lie back. Or, you know. Stay lying back. But either way, relax.
And listen to them grow.
this is the secret of your body. It doesn’t have to be up and doing.
Even the deep ache of a sick life can make a garden grow. Those
flowers are called Hope. Self-compassion. Resilience. Significance.
Worth. And you have been growing them every day since you took to
your bed. All we are doing now is putting faces to them.
picturing you now. Arms outstretched like a queen. Hair splayed out
at wild angles. Sick. Hurting. You haven’t sat up in a week. But your
bed, ah, your bed. You are sailing on a sea of flowers. You grew
them. You built this garden up out of the hardest soil. And even in
the smallest, most hopeless hours, they will never, ever leave you.